From the Diary of Draco Malfoy
by ShadesofWhite
Summary: That's right...I have to keep this journal, and write in it everyday. Being a Malfoy sucks, ya know?
1. Stupid Journal

**Disclaimer : I own nothing!**

_**From the diary of Draco Malfoy, August 31st:**_

Shit. What shit. Not that everyday isn't shit, but I'm just sayin'. Life as a Malfoy officially sucks ass. And here's why:

1.) My father's dead. Not that I care too much, he was a bastard and my mum's much happier, and we got all his money, but guess what? When the big-bad-Lucius decided to keel over (from heart complications! He's probably writhing in his grave knowing he died of some muggle disease and not by the Lord's hand or whatever) I lost all the power ties. That means no more good compartments on the train, no more good sleeping quarters, no more _luxury_. If someone heard I was Lucius' son, I'd have them eating out of my hand. All that's gone...I'll be treated like some ordinary muggle now for my 7th and last (hallelujah!) year at this God forsaken school.

2.) I'm head boy. Dumbledore decided I'd be perfect for the position, and I didn't get to tell the old man no, my mother wouldn't _'hear of me turning down an opportunity of that measure (_what the fuck? who says that kind of crap nowadays?)'

3.) Speaking of heads, Granger's one too (surprise surprise) and we have to share a dorm-which is absolutely positively LUDRACRIS! Dumbledore has this unnatural need to promote house unity and of course Muddy's all for it (whatta bitch, I want to smack her so hard...).

4.) Hey friends? Guess what? I have an "ANGER" issue, which is why I am being FORCED to write in this damn journal (stupid doctor who brought this onto me). See, after my father's death, I went out and beat on a few children. My mother was very worried that I was "EMOTIONALLY UNSTABLE" and took me to St. Freaks Society (AKA St. Mungos) where a very obese doctor told me with utmost happiness that I should "EXPRESS MY FEELINGS" in this journal. What a faggot. Normally, I would have been like 'fuck this' and watch as I burned the journal into oblivion and then later throw the ashes on the fat ass doctor's doorstep, but NO, there's a dumb charm on it, so I HAVE to write in it every fucking day for a year. YES, a YEAR! If I don't, 'unexplainable occurrences' will happen to me (and the doctor kept staring at my pants when he said this, so I think my dick will shrink if I don't write in here, which is by FAR worse than anything else).

5.) I was publicly dumped the very last day of 6th year by a Miss Pansy Parkinson. Yes, I was humiliated. Her words were-and I quote: "Draco, I know you love me. I love you too, but I'm not IN love with you...you're a great guy, you really are, but lately I feel different...like you're not actually part of this relationship. I mean, I feel like I'm in a relationship with myself almost, if that makes sense...you're never around, we never actually go out places, and we don't talk often...it's pretty much been about the sex-which is great, don't worry-but...well, quite frankly Draco-I think you're gay." Then the whole school went in uproar and Pansy left me high-and-dry at the Slytherin dining table, attached to Blaise Zabini's face. They gay rumors have not ceased since then.

Yes, children, being a Malfoy sucks. And I don't think it's going to get better anytime soon.

_**From the diary of Draco Malfoy, September 1st:**_

God I hate everyone. I went to King's Cross as always and ran through that dumb brick wall: only to run into Weasley on the other side; to which he exclaimed, "Get off queer!"

Fantastic.

Granger came up to me and had the audacity to blab on about _'How we ought to be nicer to each other, seeing as we'll be working the entire year together_'. I guess she expected a reply from me, because she was looking at me all expectant like a sad puppy. I just told her to run along and she rolled her eyes and as she walked away she swished (yes, _swished_) her hair at me. I didn't know her hair could swish; over the summer she must have magically straightened the bush and now her hair absolutely looked like cardboard. I bet that last comment just sounded like a gay hairdresser.

_Double fantastic._

I ran into Potter too-who, like Weasley, made a remark about my sexuality. If anyone's a deusch it's Potter...with his stupid hair, and he was ACTUALLY wearing a denim jacket at the station. Now that's being a homosexual!

Ugh, just saw Pansy (could this day GET any fucking worse?). and she's all cooing and draping herself over Blaise. When she saw me she looked towards Longbottom (who was chatting with the Golden Trio) and then she mouthed to me 'Go for it!' and gave me a thumbs up. Disgusting.

By this time, I decided to board to train. Of course, my usual berth was taken by some slutty first years, so I had to search for a new one...there was only one that was empty-of people, not of luggage-and I decided whoever was in this berth would have to make do and live in my presence for the ride. Of course...as soon as I heard Granger's high pitched squeal and Weasley's oaf-ish laugh, I decided I picked the worst fucking berth ever. Even the one where Pansy and Blaise were currently procreating would have been better. Granger's smile instantly vanished when she saw me, probably sitting where she was going to. Potter arrived shortly after, at which time he yelled at me to get out, Weasley chirping in to agree every so often. I wasn't even listening...I only spoke up when I was tired of their voices and said "Fine fuckers. I'll leave...you can have your little orgy now, happy?" to which Potter responded "Yes, Malfoy, we are happy...now go find Crabbe and Goyle to have _your _little orgy." and then the other two laughed hysterically. I gave them a colorful hand gesture and walked out.

Finding no other compartments, I sat in the aisle of the train and waited for the hell ride to be over. After almost getting run over by the trolley lady four times, I decided to burst into the Trio's party...there was no way I was staying in the aisle. I entered unannounced, only to be pushed out...and then they locked the berth door. Jesus. You'd think they really were having an orgy in there. So, here I am now, camping out in the aisle again, feeling like a complete retard.

If you were me right now you would too.

AN: 1st chapters are always the hardest...please review and I'll have enough willpower to continue!


	2. School again

Disclaimer: Hmm, I think I don't think I own Harry Potter...just a hunch though.

_**From the diary of Draco Malfoy, September 2nd:**_

As usual, last night was fucking boring. Dumbledore said some shit about the year, and then he did the dumb sorting and then we had feast. It was the same, as always. Some first years, however, we absolutely amazed by magic (the food appearing, the enchanted ceiling, etc.) and I wanted to smack them so hard.

Also last night, I was pretty much sitting by myself. I realized I have no friends...Crabbe and Goyle were sitting on the far end of the table, having contests to see how fast they could chug a butterbeer, and Pansy and Blaise were (as usual) having intercourse pretty much on the table a few seats down from me. So, I just picked at my food, often hearing comments like "Loser" and "What a social outcast".

Then I had to go to the dreaded dorms I share with Granger. I'm not gonna lie, they are pretty amazing, with a small kitchen, a common room, and our rooms, not to mention a spacious bathroom. I picked my room first and as I walked in, the color of the walls changed from white to green. I unpacked, avoided Granger as much as possible, and went to sleep.

Now here I am today, and for some reason we have no classes (Granger would not stop complaining when she heard the news). I decided instead of wandering around the castle, I'd just stay in the dorms, making myself comfortable.

Dammit. Granger just brought Ginner (or whatever her name is-the mini Weasley) here to show her the dorms. She gave me an absolute horrid face upon seeing me, and all I said back was "Don't let it get stuck like that." How juvenile.

Potter and Weasle showed up too. I guess they're having a party, or something. Granger practically ordered me to go get more drinks. Who the hell does she think she is? I told her no, that she could get her fat ass out of the dorm for a second to get drinks herself.

Granger left and it's been awkward since. No one has talked. Potter and his friends are like afraid to talk with me around or something. I said it was a raging party. Potter suspects I planned for Hermione to leave alone so my minions could slit her throat as soon as she stepped out. _Exactly. _Weasley saw my journal and is convinced I'm a queer. He tried to read it over my shoulder as I was writing. Fag.

Granger finally returned out of breath. Potter is all worried (What took so long Mione?) and she said she got lost. Right. Probably having a quick shag in some closet. What a prude. And I noticed she had no drinks with her.

After the festivities died down and everyone left Granger approached me. "Malfoy," she said, "I really want to thank you for not bugging my friends this afternoon. I really appreciate it." And I almost said you're welcome, until she continued. "And if you ever need a favor, you know like if you want me to set you up with some of my guy friends..."

And then I about smacked her smirking face and I chased her around for ten minutes until she finally locked herself in her room. Good, stay in there, you freak.

_**From the diary of Draco Malfoy, September 3rd:**_

Stupid classes. Double potions, arithmacy, advanced ancient runes, DADA, and transfiguration. All with the mighty Gryffindors. Excellent.

Some first year called me gay today. I've about had it. I took the nearest seventh year female and snogged her senseless. She didn't even do anything, she was probably proud she converted a homo to the other side. And I haven't heard a gay rumor for over an hour.

Homework is keeping me up. Stupid...Granger is sitting doing her homework probably three weeks in advanced. Retard. Anyways, I've written in here today haven't I? That's enough for now...I have tons of stuff to do.

As always, Draco Malfoy, whose life better head steadily upward for the rest of this year. Karma owes it to me.

AN: Short I know, but I got stuff to do too. Review and I shall write!


	3. Uh oh

_**From the diary of Draco Malfoy, September 4th:**_

Why is it called my DIARY? Why not my JOURNAL? DIARY sounds so eight year old girl.

School sucks. This morning I had about 4 tests, and it's only the second (real) day. As always, Granger finished her tests within the first ten minutes of receiving them. And she would act so bitchy about it. She would stand up, straighten her robes, and walk all proudly to the teacher's desk to hand in her test, and then walk back to her seat beaming. If looks could kill, she would be six feet under. I just noticed I'm not the only one who gives her said death looks. Pretty much the whole class glares at her with loathing for being such a smart ass.

You know what else sucks? Head boy duties. I had to walk around the school corridors with Granger for two hours last night. Nothing even eventful happened. When I was a child, I pictured the Head boy as someone who would bust murderers roaming the halls in the middle of the night. But nope, no murderers. I thought there would be at LEAST some horny kids in a closet or something. But all we caught was Mrs. Norris, who almost attacked me because I "accidentally" stepped on its tail.

Lunch Time. Granger's been holing herself up in the bathroom for about an hour. Gross. I knocked on the door and told her to get a move on if she wanted lunch. She opened the door about an inch and said she'd have the house elves bring her something up. Freak.

I went down to lunch and met a girl named Cassidy, from Beauxbatons. She's only staying for a month, something about family troubles. Just when I thought I was actually making a friend, or something close to it, Potter came up to me and yelled "WHAT DID YOU DO WITH HERMIONE?" Cassidy gave me a weird look and moved to sit by Pansy. I gave Potter a scowl and told him I wasn't Granger's keeper, so I shouldn't have to know where she was every second. Potter retorted that I was the last one to see "'Mione" (stupid nickname) so I was going to be responsible for everything if anything happened to her. Whatever.

I was sick of the cold hateful environment of the Great Hall so I took some chicken to go and went back to the dorms. Granger was still in the bathroom, and there was an untouched plate of noodles by the door. What, was she an anorexic?

I was going to open the door but it was locked. I did some spells and the door finally opened. I told Granger to stop hogging the bathroom, until I saw her lying on the floor.

Oh shit.

**_From the diary of Draco Malfoy, September 5th:_**

Well. Granger's unfortunate state let me skip classes today. Which is good, but I don't know what's wrong with her. Yesterday I just opened the bathroom door and there she is, white as a ghost and pretty much convulsing. So what the hell was I supposed to do? I'm not a healer. I fully just stopped thinking for about ten minutes, just watching her and freaking out. Then when my brain started functioning again, I levitated her to the Hospital Wing, where Madame Pomfrey took it from there and kicked me out for a few minutes. Then she came back out and told me Granger had some sort of disease (surprise; what do you expect from_ her_ kind), but she also said in the magical world, Granger's disease is not that rare and isn't fatal: only if she takes some sort of medicine.

So here I am today, sitting in the hospital wing. Madame Pomfrey said if I was too shaken up to go to classes then I could stay here for the day. I am not going to pass up a day of missing classes.

Granger is on the bed next to me, sleeping or something. She's been sleeping for like 24 hours. Comatose. Potter and Weasley visited, and they about jumped me, thinking it was my fault. Stupid idiots.

Damn. Blaise stopped by, and dropped off 3 books of homework. And since I wasn't there for classes, I don't know what the hell to do for this stuff. I mean, what's a friggen Efantion? I am screwed. I pretty much wrote that an Efantion is a zombie who sucks the life out of you and is related to the Dementors. Good enough.

I noticed Granger has no homework, because she did it all about two weeks ago. Lucky bitch. Uh oh. Granger's up. Wait, never mind. She's back asleep. Okay...

Hmm, I need something to do to pass the time. I found a medical instrument shaped like a snitch and I charmed it so when I threw it, it would come back to me.

Oh gross. Madame Promfrey just told me that 'snitch' look-a-like was actually an instrument to check the colon. Ewwwwwwwwwwww.

I asked Madame Promfrey if there was anything for me to do that didn't have to do with appendages, and she's making me clean out potion bottles.

Woo hoo, not.

Fucking karma.

AN: Ok I cut the swearing down a bit, for the person who requested that. Lol:

Andi: Draco not swearing is like Ron...being straight?

Haha, Tres true.

As always review and I'll continue.


	4. A Revelation

AN: WOW! I am pretty happy with this story. I open my e-mail and there's like 10 reviews from the last chapter! Thanks! And, because of your excellent reader-ship, I present you with chapter 4! ENJOY! OH...and I'm bringing up the swearing-you don't like it, then DON'T READ!

DOUBLE DISCLAIMER: Oops, I was bad and did not put a disclaimer on my last chapter. Shame on me. Anyways, I don't own anything HP (includes anything from last chapter too).

**_From the diary of Draco Malfoy, September 6th:_**

Damn. Granger ate some pill and is good as new, which places me back in classes. AND I WILL KILL BLAISE ZABINI! FUCKER! Let me explain. Last year, Blaise was a bit...erm, shall we say, overweight. OK, he was a fat ass. SO, Pansy must have decided it would have been fun to, over the summer, make Blaise loose a few cough hundred cough pounds. I guess he took a liking to Quidditch, and he must have some fucking magical hidden talent for seeking because he just got Quidditch Captain. That backstabber. He KNEW I wanted that position. When I tried out over the summer, I admit, I was mildly surprised when I didn't get the position right away. I mean, I was the only one there who wasn't a complete joke.

And instead of Quidditch Captain, I got Head Boy. Awesome.

My life is completely the opposite of what it should be. You know, I should have had easy classes, girls chasing after me, and a Quidditch Badge on my robes. But no. My classes are difficult, I have guys chasing after me, and I'm not even ON the team anymore. And Granger. Granger is in my life an awful lot now, which she should not be. Stupid Granger, with whatever disease she has…syphilis probably.

God, Binns has an annoying voice. It's so monotone. Eight people are sleeping, and seven others are doing writing related activities (doodling, passing notes etc) while Binns is giving a lecture. Granger actually looks like a normal student. She's slouched forward with her head resting on her hand and she's been blinking sharply every few seconds to stay awake. Potter is eating something and Weasley just looks stupid, as always.

Once dumb Arithmacy was over, I decided to go out to the Quidditch Pitch…only to see Blaise, practicing by himself. He swooped down to see me. I didn't want him to see my journal so I charmed my quill to write what we were saying.

**Blaise**: Hey Drake.

**Draco**: Hey.

**Blaise**: So…how you been?

**Draco**: How do you think?

**Blaise**: Hey…about that…

**Draco**: What? About how you stole Pansy from me? Or about how you stole Quidditch Captain from me?

**Blaise**: Hey mate, that's not fair, I didn't steal anything.

**Draco**: Oh you didn't, did you?

**Blaise**: Look. Pansy was…bored with you. She was with you for what, three years? And after this year, I know she'll leave me for some business guy. And you want to accuse me of stealing Quidditch Captain from you? You know I got it on pure talent.

**Draco**: Talent? I was the only one in the running for Quidditch Captain until you magically fought your way on the map.

**Blaise**: You accusing me of cheating?

**Draco**: Dunno, you lost the weight of about three small children and discovered your uncanny knack for seeking. That doesn't sound suspicious at all.

**Blaise**: You know what? It doesn't. Just because you don't have your daddy to come and wipe your tears away and make it all better, don't go accusing me of stealing your precious life. Just get over it. Stop being jealous of me and suck it up. You want your life to turn around? Do it yourself, and not by trying to steal it away from me.

Fucking little fucker. I left the pitch after that and here I am. And you know what? Suck on this, karma. I will do it myself. I, Draco Malfoy, will turn my life around. Starting now.

**_From the diary of Draco Malfoy, September 7th:_**

Ten ways on how Draco Malfoy's life will no longer suck:

1: Get a girlfriend

2: Be nice to everyone

3: Pick up a hobby

4: Study (which sucks, but…)

5: Ignore Granger

6: Get friends

7: …Ignore Granger more

8: Write in here and avoid 'consequences'

9: …

10: …

Ok. That list of 8, more like 7, things on my list is a start. Ok, #1 is to get a girlfriend. Easier said than done. What girl is still in Hogwarts who's not a 1st-5th year and who doesn't think I'm gay?

Anyone know?

At all?

Fuck.

AN: OK, another chapter! Not too much swearing, I kinda lied. But, I like the 'fucking fucker' thing in there. Ha. Ok. You know the drill. Push that review button…now! And, Draco needs help! Who should his girlfriend be? And if you suggest someone, make sure it's a Harry Potter character, even though we'd all die for the likes of Draco  Anyways, school, homework, and sickness are taking up my writing time, which may sparse out the chapters till the weekends! But bear with me. If I add a little to each chapter everyday, and then finish them on the weekends, the chapters will be really long! Yay! Ok, enough of this rambling. Review! 


	5. Hermione POVParty

**NOT IN JOURNAL FORM: HERMIONE POV**

Ok so being Head Girl is not all it's cracked up to be. I mean, yeah, I was jumping up and down with glee when I got that fateful letter, but no, I'm not jumping now. I have to patrol the halls at 11 PM-1 AM. It's so boring, Malfoy rarely patrols with me nowadays. He just sits in his room, writing in this cute little blue journal of his. It's actually sweet, the way he writes in it every day. He's probably naming boys he wants to date...

Well, the truth is, I don't think he's gay. I know he's not gay. But now I have something against him that actually seems to hit a nerve. Whenever I called him Ferret, Son-of-a-Deatheater, Arse, and Git he didn't seem to mind. Now I can call him queer and he really gets angry. And I actually feel bad for him...last year he was so popular, and now it's like the school got sick of him and shunned him to death. He's awful. A big mess. No friends, no girlfriend, no Quidditch. All he has is Head Boy, which I don't think he likes very much.

Anyway, Head Girl is a...bitch. I am also taking pretty difficult classes, besides all the normal ones, I took up two extra. They're hard as hell, and of course whenever I try to do my work, Harry and Ron show up and need help with the latest potions assignment. I am Head Girl, Honor student, and a private tutor. I have got a lot on my plate.

Ron wants me to have another party in the Head dorms. Last time, Malfoy was really quiet, it's Friday, and I have no homework, so I thought, what the hell, let's have a party.

Oh shit. What the hell? I thought the party guests would be Harry, Ron, and Ginny, same as last time, but noooo, there's Harry, Ron, Ginny, Lavender, Parvati, Padma, Dean, Neville, Seamus, and Luna.

Spin the bottle? Are you serious? Malfoy has even poked his head out of his room to watch. Harry took an empty butterbeer bottle and made us all sit in a circle. He spun it, and it landed on Luna. She blushed hysterically before meeting Harry's eye, and then Harry stepped forward and gave her a small peck before she pulled away and frantically sat back down. Lavender coughed "Dyke" and Parvati kicked her. Good.

Seamus spun it, it landed on me. Stupid Irish, he tried to use tongue, to which I was SERIOUSLY surprised so I gasped and he took it as an invitation. Gross.

Malfoy is now fully out of his room and is sitting on an armchair watching us. Now it's my turn...I spun it kinda bad, it landed on no one. Well, actually it landed on Malfoy, but he wasn't playing, so I went to spin it again, but...

"HERMYOHNEE! It landed on Malfoy, go kiss him!" Lavender shouted.

"Erm, he's not playing..." I tried.

Dean muttered "Like he'd want to kiss a girl anyway."

Malfoy heard this and nearly jumped Dean. I stopped him. "Hey, no big deal, I'll spin it again."

Parvati tsked and clicked her tongue. "Hermione dear, that's cheating. What's the penalty for cheating?"

Lavender grinned. "If you cheat, you have to kiss a member of the same sex."

Ginny, Luna, and Padma backed away from the circle.

Parvati smirked. "Ginny? You'd kiss Hermione right?"

Ginny blushed. "I'm not a carpet muncher."

The boys seemed to enjoy our torture. I finally spoke up. "Fine, fine I'll kiss Malfoy." I walked over to him but Lavender and Parvati jumped up.

"Hermione's a cheater!" and they puckered their lips. "You have to kiss a girl!"

I ran to Malfoy. "Help!"

He smirked and grabbed my arms. I thought he'd kiss me, but he spun me around. "Ok ladies, she's not going anywhere, do your work."

Lavender and Parvati beamed. They weren't going to kiss me, but they would embarrass me somehow.

"Malfoy!" I screamed, "Let me go! You are going to burn IN HELL! WITH-" I almost said 'with your father' but stopped. Malfoy didn't catch it.

I finally wiggled loose of Malfoy's vice grip and ran to Harry. "Harry help!"

Harry was sympathetic and protected me from Lavender and Parvati. I was so grateful.

The game of spin the bottle ended, but then Lavender announced "TRUTH OR DARE!"

Everyone protested. Truth or dare was an awful juvenile game played at every cliche party known to man.

Despite the groans from the group, Parvati yelled, "HERMIONE, truth or dare?"

I rolled my eyes. "Truth."

"Have you ever wanted to kiss a girl?"

"NO!" I yelled. "Next question."

The game continued and was relatively mild, Ginny almost had to make out with Ron, but we all nixed the idea since it was disgusting beyond belief...so Ginny made out with Harry instead. Finally after an hour, the game was coming to a close.

"Ok," Lavender said, "last question," she turned to the quiet Malfoy in the corner. "Malfoy, what is your sexuality?"

"Straight."

Dean and Seamus scoffed. Parvati piped up, "I'd vouch for him, he is the Sytherin Sex-God, after all, well...he was."

Malfoy smirked. "Thanks Patil."

I was a little hyper/tipsy, so I piped up too. "I second the motion of Malfoy being straight."

Everyone looked confused, but whatever.

I think we just gave Malfoy his attitude back.

Damn.

AN: OK so I lied about the weekend publishing, but screw you, I am busy, and will be for a bit...sorry! Review PLEASE! I love all of you who take time to critique my story! And I know it's SHORT but...well sorry! Review! And tell me if you like the little "Break" from the journal.


	6. Elfish Freedom, kinda, and other stuff

**Sigh, DOUBLE DISCLAIMER again!...I own nothing related to HP from this or the last chapter, except the plot. Don't sue me, please!**

**From the Diary of Draco Malfoy, September 8th:**

Nothing happened. Screw this. Granger's having a party. Better check it out.

** From the Diary of Draco Malfoy, September 9th:**

Ok so today nothing eventful happened. Really. Hogwarts is so boring. I swear I will fucking transfer to Durmstrang, or better yet, Beauxbatons. No way to stop the gay rumors unless I'm in a different country while dating 5 beautiful women at once, right?

Anyway. Earlier today I walked into potions, late, as usual. Snape totally flipped out! I mean, last year, I could be late to potions whenever the hell I wanted, and when Snape would ask me what 'detained me from arriving to class on time', I'd tell him that I was having troubles with other teachers, or I got lost, or some dumb ass excuse, and he would just nod and I would take my seat, no big deal. But no, today I walk in, and Snape, as always, asked me why I was tardy. I just told him I wasn't feeling too well, and he snapped, "Mister Malfoy, please take your seat...and while doing so, you can think of better excuses to miss my class. Fifteen points from Slytherin."

Everyone gasped. Head of Slytherin...taking away points from Slytherin? That's unheard of (except maybe in McGonnagal's case, she's such a bitch). Granger snickered a lot, until Snape told her to shut up. Did he take points away from her? NO!

THE POWER TIES! They're gone! Now Snape treats me like an equal!

Dammit!

After receiving a 2 foot (AN: Do they use feet over in Jolly Old England? Or meters? Or whatever the hell metric stuff they use? I donno...if I got this wrong, then oops) long essay and a reading assignment, the hell class was finally over. Shit, potions used to be my favorite (slack-off) class. But not anymore, with Snape liberating himself now that he doesn't have to kiss my father's ass anymore.

I am starving. Went to go get some lunch and-what the hell? What is on the table? That doesn't look like FOOD to me.

Gross! The elves are on strike and decided to give us all scrap metal and rags to eat! Sweet baby Jesus...

Is that GRANGER leading the elf pack? What a fucking moron! She's shouting ELF WAGES and NO ELF LABOR...my god. I stood up and shouted:

"GRANGER YOU RETARD SIT DOWN! THESE ELVES LIKE WORKING, AND HELL, I WANT TO EAT SOMETHING EDIBLE FOR LUNCH GOD DAMMIT!"

Many people cheered as I sat down and yelled stuff like "YEAH" and "SIT DOWN LOSER". It was quite humorous. And awesome.

Potter looks like a fucking tomato! He's so embarrassed to be near Granger. Granger just looks pissed off...and well, Weasley is trying to eat the rags. What a dumb ass trio they are.

The elves frantically went back to the kitchens, and minutes later real food appeared on our plates.

Praise Merlin.

** From the Diary of Draco Malfoy, September 10th: (AN: Yup, I'm writing THREE days, just because September 8th wasn't too...reader friendly, I guess. I know I'd be verbally whipped if I left it at 2 very short entries, so I thought, what the hell, let's write another one, so here you have it...)**

After Granger's little elf liberation movement, the food has never been better. Steak, lobster, chicken, all that good stuff. Of course, you could tell Granger was totally against eating something a "slave" produced, so everyday she conjures up a plate of cold noodles to eat. She thinks she's making a point, but I just laugh at her stupidity and then chow down on my prime rib.

Gosh, now there's posters around, telling people not to eat the food made by the elves. Stupid Granger propaganda. There's even little pictures on the posters of elves shivering in an alley. What a crazy bitch. Spew is really making progress, not. Who would want to give up the food at meals? It's delicious! Let's not go all Ghandi on everyone.

Potions...god. You know what I said to potions today? Fuck this. I didn't answer questions, I didn't go get some Wolfsbane from the supply pantry when Snape asked, I didn't brew the potion correctly, and I didn't even look Snape in the eye. Damn him. Damn him to hell.

Snape asked me what an Efantion was (which of course I didn't know, I was gone the day we learned that shit, remember?) and I just shrugged. I could tell he was getting really pissed off, because whenever I didn't answer, Granger would. And she gives textbook answers. We're talking 10 minute lectures about shit. It's really annoying, but if it made Snape mad, then I'm all for it.

Granger took a deep breath and started:

"An Efantion is a tiny mythological creature that dwells in the tropical rainforests of South America. It's significant because they breed specifically, only with other Efantions, and they are pretty rare. When an Efantion mates, which 90 of the time they do, they shed a protective layer of skin, which is used in healing potions all over the world. The skin can be used to heal burns, gashes, poison ingestion, Tuberculosis, and frostbite. Not only are Efantion's skin useful, when they die they burst into flames, somewhat like a phoenix, but another Efantion isn't reborn from the ashes. The ashes however, are used in potions like Veritiserum (AN Spelling?), other truth potions, and the illegal time traveling potions like Advenio Viam, which allows the user to travel back and forth through time whenever they want, much like an...erm Time Turner."

Snape sighed and rolled his eyes. "Very..good." He was seriously about to fall asleep.

After that eventful class, which Granger's Efantion speech took up 7 minutes of it, I went back to the dorms. Suddenly, I didn't feel too well. I went into the bathroom and looked for some medicine. What the-

Efantion pills? So...Granger has TB huh? Ineresting. Pompfrey did say it wasn't serious, as long as she took medicine...what if I 'happened' to lose these pills, and Granger got sick?

No, that's low, even for me.

I could miss more classes...

NO, Draco, snap out of it.

I found some stomach relievers and choked them down. Now I'm off to take a nap. Fun.

** AN: Ok, hope that's to your liking. Sorrys friends, I didn't mention the post-party at all from Malfoy's perspective. Darn, guess you'll never know what Malfoy was thinking when Hermione almost had to kiss him! Lol CLIFFY! Anyways, please review, I love them! They are my soul fuel to keep this story up and running, and please leave suggestions! What should happen next? More Draco/Hermione interaction? Something to do with Hermione's sickness? (Which btw, Hermione's tuberculosis disease, is not, in this story, serious! I will not make her die of it, so don't worry!) Y, bueno, yo necesito ayudar por favor! (ha my spanish one owns all y'all. Translation : And, well, I need help please! I think that's what it means...)**

** REVIEW! And I know it's still short, but I had 2 quizzes today, and I have 2 tests tomorrow! Ah! So I must focus on that right now, lo siento!(Ha, I'm sorry!)**


	7. Revenge and Being Nice, Almost

**Disclaimer-Nothing is mine, but the plot so don't sue...**

**AN: Well. I can hardly say I was happy with my response to the last chapter. 4 measly reviews? What? I even made 3 entries! What was wrong with that chapter? Well, anyway, I would like to thank those 4 people who reviewed for chapter 6-Sugar Quill High, Weaslebee, Jjp91, and lilmissgullible. Sorry if that's shouting out to specific people, which is 'not allowed' anymore. And, I pledge to you this chapter will be long(er), and I am listening to some serious harsh songs on my iPod, which may or may not affect the arguments in this story. Enjoy...the 4 people who cared to review.**

_**From the Diary of Draco Malfoy, September 11th:**_

Well now. It is war. This fucking epic battle had just begun. Gryffindors are fucking retards. Yesterday, apparently, some Gryffindors decided to trash the Slytherin dorms while most of the Slytherins were out watching the Slytherin vs. Ravenclaw Quidditch match. And we're talking trashed from floor to ceiling. I was, of course, sleeping throughout most of the afternoon, downtrodden with a stomach ache, when this event took place. The Slytherin dungeons have been reduced to a forest of dung-bombs, exploding whizbees, and a mysterious green slime oozing out of the walls.

All because of the upcoming Slytherin vs. Gryffindor match next week. Which isn't even a make-or-break game. Hufflepuff and Ravenclaw are doing so bad that Gryffindor and Slytherin will be competing for the Quidditch Cup anyway, no matter who loses next week.

But no, the fucking loyal dogs decided to spread some house pep, which, by the way, was a big mistake.

We will retaliate. Big time.

Just how, we're not sure of yet.

Just came back from a meeting. Yes, this is so serious that we had a meeting about what to do to as a comeback. And we thought of some...creative ideas. But, we are settling with one idea that will unfold during lunch. We are going to start a food fight.

It's gonna be fucking awesome.

First, we're going to eat lunch, like it's just an ordinary day, but then we're going to conjure up extra food and flip the table on its side, as a shield. Then, it's on, to the break of dawn. The food fight will begin!

Damn I can't wait till lunch.

Lunch time! Fuck yeah! Oh god, I can't even hold my composure. All I want to do is flip this god damned table over and throw some fucking food. Possibly in Potter's face.

Everyone's done eating, and we're waiting for the signal to conjure up more food. Pansy nodded, and we all waved our wands so there was food on the floor where our 'bunker' would be. We all stood up like we were about to leave but then we flipped the table.

Every single mouth shut up. Every single head turned to look at us. We all grabbed a handful of food, my selection being potato salad, and we aimed.

"FOOD FIGHT!"

And we released.

What joy.

No one was expecting this. No one could escape at least one hit. My potato salad landed in Ginner's hair. Ha!

It took a good three minutes for the other houses to realize what to do. The Ravenclaws ran over to our bunker, joining our ranks. The Hufflepuffs joined the Gryffindors. Now it was a battle to the death.

Granger looks absolutely horrified, and she made the stupid mistake of trying to run out of the Great Hall. I saw this and got a pitcher of pumpkin juice, levitated it towards her, and it dumped on her...

"OH MY FUCKING GOD!"

Everyone gasped. Hermione Granger...was cursing?

For some reason the teachers were just sitting, bemused at this comic act. Yes, even Snape.

Granger did a 180 and turned towards me. She was dripping wet, her robes were tinted peach, and her hair was plastered to her face. She almost looked like she would cry.

Pansy and many other Slytherins doubled over laughing.

Granger's eyes were darting frantically around at all the people staring and laughing at her. Even Potter had a small smile on his face, but you could tell he was guilty about thinking it was funny. But Hermione Granger did not think this was funny.

Her face instantly went from embarrassed to full on fucking pissed off.

And that's when she did it. She noticed a pie sitting on the floor, just waiting to be thrown. She held out her wand and yelled " ACCIO PIE!" and the pie disappeared in a blue swirl, and reappeared in her hand. Then she threw it at me.

And it hit my face.

Oh...hell...no.

Everyone was watching us. I scraped pie off my face and ran towards her. She tried to run but slipped in some whipped cream. Before she could scramble up, I tackled her. She was a dead witch.

She was on her back and I was practically straddling her waist. I easily held her wrists down. I accio-ed a cherry cobbler.

Yes, a cherry cobbler.

"Eat cobbler Granger!"

And I smushed it on her face.

I was jumping inside with glee. Smushing cobbler in Granger's face has always been a life dream. Then I got close to her, and licked some off her cheek.

She screamed bloody murder.

The sound of it made me stumble back. Once her hands were free she pushed me off her. She stood up and kicked me...right where it hurts.

"AH FUCK!"

She wiped cobbler from her eyes and sobbed, "Go to hell Malfoy, with your father!"

It took me a second to register what she said, and I would have grabbed her feet to pull her down and then beat the shit out of her, but she was already half way across the Great Hall.

Everyone was silent.

"Oh yeah?" I yelled, "Why don't you go die of that disease you have...tuberculosis!"

Potter looked mildly bewildered.

Granger let out a hurt kind of scoff and by now some of the teachers were standing up.

"Fuck you Malfoy, you bastard." Then she left the Great Hall, as a dripping red cobbler blob.

**From the Diary of Draco Malfoy, September 12th:**

After that little argument, Granger's been holing herself up in the bathroom again. And I can't even say I don't feel guilty about it, I mean, yeah, her comment about my father made me a tad angry, but if anyone else said that to me I would've laughed. And I told her to go die, and let the whole school know she was ridden with disease. Not one of my better moments...

And you'd think she'd get some visitors to make sure she wasn't contemplating suicide or anything, but no, not one person has bothered to come up here and make sure she's Ok. Well she has to come out sometime, right? We have classes tomorrow, and Granger wouldn't miss classes for the world.

I hope.

If she's not out in an hour, I'm busting down that door. For all I know, she could've hanged herself in there, and her lifeless corpse is just swinging in the breeze...ewwwwwwww.

**30 minutes later.**

Granger has yet to show her face. Shit, I will be scarred for life if I see a dead body in there. Oh sick.

**10 minutes later.**

Granger, you'd better get out here soon. Please? The thought of her dead in there makes me sick almost. I have been staring at the bathroom door, but it hasn't swung open or anything.

**20 minutes later.**

Ok that's it. I'm breaking in. Please don't let there be a dead body, please don't let there be a dead body.

Oh.

"MALFOY GET OUT!"

Oops.

Well Granger's not dead (PRAISE MERLIN: If Granger was dead, I'd be held responsible), she was just standing in front of the mirror, a towel wrapped around her, and her hair was wet but cobbler free. She must have just gotten out of the bath.

I waited some more by the bathroom just to make sure my little run-in with her just now didn't, ya know...push her over the edge of suicide.

She stepped out of the bathroom about five minutes later, flushed. I couldn't even help but stare for a second. She was wearing tight fitting jeans, a white kimono top, and her hair was pulled in a messy bun (no more cardboard hair!).

I quickly diverted my attention to a nearby chair and Granger snapped her fingers in front of my face.

"Hellooo..." she said, "earth to Malfoy."

My gaze snapped back to her. "What?"

She lowered her eyes and stared at her feet before starting. "I, well I just wanted to say thanks."

"For what?" Even though I knew what.

"For, well bursting in the bathroom just now. I mean, you could have been so civil as to knock, but I'm happy you checked on me...no one else has."

I was weighing my response. I could have said you're welcome, but this is Granger-so as usual, I was an ass.

"Granger, I didn't raid the bathroom to check on you, I just had to piss really bad, and you were in there for like a day."

She looked back up at me and grimaced. "I knew you'd say that."

What? "You don't know shit about me."

With that I left a sniffling Hermione Granger in the commons while I went to the bathroom.

And I feel bad.

Me! Feeling bad!

I couldn't just leave her like that, all crying. Then she'd lock herself back in the bathroom.

So I mustered up my courage and opened the bathroom door. Then I said what no one would have thought a Malfoy would say.

"Granger."

She turned to face me. "W-what?"

"You look really nice today."

Then I shut the bathroom door, but I swear I saw her smile.

**AN: Just started listening to some happy songs, so I thought I'd give you that last sentence of semi-fluff. Yay me. Anyways, here's a question:**

**"How did the Gryffindors get in the Slytherin dorms to trash them?"**

**Well questioner, the big bad seventh years could've threatened a lowly scared first year into telling them the password...yup, that's my reasoning.**

**Another question. "Don't you think it's a little OoC for the teachers to just sit and watch a food fight? And where were Harry and Ron when Hermione needed help?"**

**Well again, I don't have solid reasoning for this, but for the sake of my story, please go with it. As you can see, in this story, Hermione seems to be drifting apart from her counterpart friends. Just go with it for now.**

**Ok as always REVIEW! I will NOT, I repeat, I WILL NOT, update this story until I have 10 reviews for this chapter! Is that so difficult? Just push the submit review button on the bottom left hand side of the screen! Please? I need input! And I need reassurance that SOMEONE out there is still reading/liking this story!**

**Ps: I now accept anonymous reviews! All you anonymous people better review now!**


	8. Talking & Trouble

In a message dated 3/17/2006 3:41:19 PM Eastern Standard Time, writes:

AN: Well, I am better pleased with the reviewing process of the last chapter-thanks all who did, and a special thanks for Sugar Quill High, who I am forcing to be my beta now. Anyways, usually when I get a somewhat "snappy" review (from an anonymous "Someone") I laugh it off, but this one was like "Maybe you should make the story better in order to get more reviews, it's not the readers fault they lost interest." and I totally respect your opinion, but when people don't review, that doesn't make me want to keep writing, because reviews are what motivate me to keep writing...do you get it? Anyways, if you feel my story has been lacking quality, please tell me! I really take what my readers say into thought.

Anyways enough! Enjoy!

From the diary of Draco Malfoy, September 13th:

It is Monday the 13th. Which is way worse than Friday the 13th if you ask me. Mondays suck. Reeeeal bad. They are just the preview of what you have to go through for four more days.

And today my luck hasn't exactly been up to par.

For example, this morning I woke up, got dressed, brushed my teeth etc, when I walked out into the common room, there was Potter, Weasley and Ginner sitting at a dining table. I blinked several times to make sure this wasn't some nightmare.

Then Granger came from out of our mini-kitchen with a steaming plate of pancakes in one hand, and a plate of eggs sunny-side-up in the other. She saw me and smiled. "Good morning Draco, would you like some breakfast?"

It was morning and I was thoroughly confused so I went "Uhrrrrr..."

Granger giggled. "Sit down, Draco; I conjured a table for us to eat."

Finally being able to compose a sentence I croaked, "Why?"

Granger put the food on the table and immediately Weasley attacked it. She sat down and kept her eyes on her plate. "Well," she stalled, "I guess my S.P.E.W movement had some effects on the elves, because they've all gone."

I was about to shout at her stupidity but then she continued. "But I decided to make breakfast this morning, and I'm going to make every single meal until the elves return, which I requested they have. Besides, breakfast is the most important meal, right? I mean, the term breakfast is an ancient term meaning 'break-fast' where you break the fast of not eating all night and-"

"Tis fud es weally gud Ermynee"

Granger snapped her head towards Weasley. "Ronald," she scolded, "eat with your mouth closed."

I registered what Granger said about the elves. "So wait," I drawled, "because of your little spew thing the other students are just going to starve?"

Granger cringed. "It's S.P.E.W, and no, the professors have hired a temporary kitchen staff until the elves return, but I hear the food is of half the quality of the food made by the elves."

I gave her a mock applause. "Way to go Granger."

"You better shut up, or I won't give you any of the food I make, and you can go and eat the horrid stuff."

I raised my hands in surrender. "Fine, fine, I just never pictured you as the homemaker type."

Weasley swallowed. "She's not, last year she made us eat some of her homemade souffle and I was sick for a week after I choked it down."

Potter laughed. "I remember that!"

Ginner giggled as well. "Me too."

Granger opened her mouth and scoffed. "Excuse me! My souffle was delicious, the reason y'all were sick was because you went out and played Quidditch in a downpour later that night!"

Everyone was silent for a second. Did Granger just say y'all? I pushed the untouched food away from me. "Well, there's no way I'm eating this now."

Granger smacked my arm. "Hey, you heard Ron, the food is good!"

I smirked. "But you also got Weasley, Potter and Ginner sick with your food-"

"My name's Ginny." Ginner corrected. Oh, oops.

I continued. "Besides, how do I know there's not going to be some after-effect of your...food, if you can even call it that."

Granger took a forkful of egg and put it up to my mouth. "Eat the food."

I pursed my lips in response.

"EAT THE FOOD!" (AN: Very Napoleon Dynamite XD)

I opened my mouth to say "God Granger," but before I could utter one syllable, the fork was in my mouth.

I feigned a look of illness. Then I squished my eyes shut and swallowed. I opened one eye to see everyone looking at me. "It's...alright I guess."

I was done with this little bonding chat. "Alright children, I'm off to class."

When I opened the portrait door an owl swooped in, almost grazing my head. "Holy fuck!" I yelled as I ducked. The owl went to Granger's side and dropped a letter. She immediately opened it and went "Aw no."

I turned back towards her. "What?"

"Due to some...occurrences in the Great Hall this morning done by angry and hungry students, some of the teachers are being detained in the hospital wing this afternoon. That means for all of us," she counted in her head, "we have to miss our first three classes. And Ginny gets to miss two."

Everyone cheered, Ginny was a little mad that she still had to go to one more class then us and Granger was absolutely pissed, but other than that, I was filled with glee.

Weasley, Potter and Ginny left. I sat on the couch and started thinking. We were almost civil today, weren't we?

"Hey Granger!" I yelled.

She came out of her room. "Yeah Draco?"

"Why did _they_ start visiting all of a sudden?"

Granger bit her lip. "Well I talked to them last night, and they're going to support me through..my illness."

"Why? It's not even serious."

"So? It's what friends do."

There was a long pause and then I asked "Why are you calling me Draco?"

"It's your name right?" (AN: VERY CLICHE LINE, BUT oh well!)

I contemplated this. "Yes, but before today you never called me that."

"Well, I want to be civil."

I sighed, "Whatever Granger."

She made an ahem noise.

"Errr...what?."

She rolled her eyes and went back in her room.

"Hey wait!"

She stuck her head out of her doorway.

"Uh, don't forget about head duties tonight...Hermione."

The last thing I saw was a brilliant smile. A second one in two days.

**Fromthe diary of Draco Malfoy, September 13th: Sometime in the middle of the night.**

Not that I'm one to be bipolar, but was the little bonding between me and Granger sickening or what? Right after that conversation I wanted to gag myself. It's GRANGER for God sake. I hate her. I can't get close to her. I don't want to get close to her. She's...Granger!

As we started patrolling the halls, Granger kept sneaking me little glances and little smiles. And she's like skipping. I want to smash her little elf-happy face in.

The skipping has caused a tremendous increase in walking speed, and I had to almost jog to keep up. Grabbing her arm I told her to slow down. She obliged, muttering a small apology. Patrolling the halls was a boring tedious task. All we did was look in every fucking classroom, making sure no one was out of bed.

And that's when it happened.

BANG!

"What was that?" asked Granger.

I rolled my eyes. "Santa."

She smirked and turned to face me. "Let's go check it out." She whipped her wand out like she was ready for anything.

I lazily drew my wand, half expecting to find that Mrs. Norris fell off a bookshelf or something.

BANG!

We were pretty near the source, it couldn't have come from anywhere but the next few classrooms. There were three classrooms left in the wing we were in. It had to be coming from one of them.

Granger kicked open the first door, secret-agent-style. "Clear!" she snapped, as her eyes wandered the room.

"Who are you, head Auror?"

"Bond, James Bond!"

Whatever that meant. I pushed her along to the next room. "Care to kick the shit of this one too?"

Granger nodded, then front-kicked the door right above the handle. It creaked open.

"Clear!" She repeated.

"Great..." I muttered.

BANG!

There was only one more room left. Granger kicked it, same as the others. It didn't budge. She kicked it again. The door stayed serenely shut. Frustrated she grumbled "Enough of the Chuck Norris stuff," she pointed her wand. "Alohamora." The door silently opened.

Satisfied, she waltzed right in, forgetting her formal secret-agent searching method.

I stood in the doorway. "Clear?" I asked.

"Draaaaco..." Granger's voice was weary and soft. "Draaaaaco!"

"What, is wittle Gwanger afwaid of the dark?"

"DRACO!"

"What the fuck do you want?"

The door slammed, I tried to stop it, but I was too late. The door slammed on my fingers, and I retreated, yelling in pain.

"DRACO, HELP-THERE'S SOMETHING IN HERE!"

I pounded on the door. No use. I tried all the spells I knew. Nothing.

"BOMBARDA!"

Instead of the door exploding, the blast ricocheted back to me.

And the last thing I saw was a green light coming from under the door.

AN: Hmmm what was it? Sorry this took so long, WRITERS BLOCK AND SCHOOL contributed to that. Anyways, as always review!


	9. Author's Note:Farewell

Yup, I know I'm horrible…I haven't updated in forever! And I know a lot of you are just dying to know…what was in that classroom…well the answer is I DON'T KNOW! So, in response to Miss Bitch-Writer's-Block, I'm going to ONLY write one shots from now on…if you think you've got what it takes to finish this story, than email me at Stargazer0903 at aol dot com -each chapter will be posted by a different person, so please…it has to make sense…eg: One chapter cannot be about the 'thing' in the closet, and the next chapter cannot be about something not even in relationship to the story…sorry if I disappointed you by basically abandoning this story, but I'm noticing a writer's block trend with all my stories, so now it'll be one-shots only for me! Sorry! (Like the new penname?  ) But Please keep this story alive and show off your talents! Please write!

Start-the-Cadence


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